BDSM
Featured
https://metro.co.uk/2024/03/08/53-left-husband-bdsm-college-boyfriend-20401528/
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week we hear from Olivia*, a 53-year-old mum-of-two, who left her unhappy 31-year marriage to her husband after reconnecting with her college boyfriend, Rich*.
Having not had sex for years at a time when she was with her husband, Olivia now has sex every day with Rich – sometimes even twice a day – and they’re both into BDSM.
Olivia says: ‘Rich messaged me after I liked his Facebook post, which led to us chatting about our student days and catching up on our lives – long-term relationships, kids, and work.
‘At some point things turned flirty and we ended up discussing sex. We discovered we both felt a pull to BDSM, we arranged to spend a few days in a remote AirBnB with the express purpose of exploring our kinks.’
Olivia had already known she ‘wanted out’ of her marriage but Rich ‘brought things into focus’, so she asked for a divorce in May 2023.
She and Rich then set boundaries for their rendezvous, and ultimately their sex ‘exceeded every expectation’.
‘We’d always had an explosive physical connection,’ Olivia explains. ‘Having history meant we were more trusting and comfortable with each other than if we’d been strangers. We both felt it was meant to be.’
What was meant to be a ‘one-off hook up’ turned into a relationship and Olivia and Rich moved in together six months ago.
She adds: ‘I was initially worried we were both looking for the ‘us’ we used to be, but that’s not the case. It’s very different this time round; we’re both wiser and more mature, more caring and considerate, while also knowing who we are, what we want, and being confident in expressing it.
‘The attraction is still as strong as ever and I’m constantly amazed that I’m having the best sex of my life at this age, rather than when I was young and gorgeous!’
Monday
Neither of us has an early start so there’s no alarm to disturb us. Rich is up first and wakes me with toast and coffee, which we enjoy while scrolling through our social feeds, cuddling and chatting about the day’s news.
We’re both morning people when it comes to sex and appreciate it when we can take our time. Neither of us instigates it, there’s just a mutual understanding. Rich is the dominant one; nobody who knows me would say I’m the sort to be told what to do, but I’m very happy to submit in the bedroom.
Usually we’re quite vocal but he says today will be non-verbal. He’ll do what he wants with no input from me. It’s vital to have trust and clear boundaries when it comes to kink, and we’ve agreed a safe signal (as well as a safe word) for when speaking isn’t possible.
The lack of talking is a turn on, but Rich keeps bringing me to the brink and then stops. Edging makes my orgasms incredibly intense and ninety minutes or so later, I’ve had three so he’s ready to let himself go.
We shower, eat and settle down to work. He’s meeting an old friend for a drink tonight, so I enjoy a takeaway and a glass of wine in front of the television. I’m asleep when he comes home, but I’m aware of him getting into bed and snuggling in behind me.
Tuesday
We’re both busy today so the alarm goes off early. I feel Rich’s erection nudging me and ask permission to go down on him – he’s my dom, after all. No surprises as to the answer, though!
It’s funny how different things can be with someone else. I didn’t enjoy giving blow jobs when I was married, but with Rich I do; I love how he looks, feels and smells, and how appreciative he is. He winds his hands into my hair so he has control and makes his enjoyment clear.
The ‘commute’ to the home office afterwards is short and we’re quickly focused on our own tasks. We break off to share a hug and a kiss each time one of us goes to make coffee or use the bathroom. This level of general affection is new to me, and it continues to thrill me.
Later, I’m making chilli for tea when Rich walks into the kitchen.
He kisses me and we both feel the heat rise instantly; he turns me round, pulls down my jeans and underwear, and bends me over the worktop. There’s no foreplay; neither of us needs it!
Wednesday
Rich is up and out early for a meeting, but he kisses me goodbye and brings me breakfast before he leaves. I have to work too, so I don’t linger in bed and I’m at my computer within half an hour.
I have a productive day so when he messages to say he’ll be home by 3pm, I decide to surprise him. I put on a recently purchased French maid’s outfit, with a black push-up bra and old-fashioned suspender belt and stockings underneath.
When Rich arrives, I’m standing on a chair pretending to sweep cobwebs out of the corners. I ask him if I’ve done a good job, and he decides I haven’t and must be punished.
I’ve discovered I enjoy being both spanked and whipped, and we’re experimenting to see what works best. At the moment my favourite is a black suede flogger – the pleasure of gentle, tickling strokes is a glorious contrast to the sting of the lashes.
Afterwards, we spend time cuddling and discussing what happened. Intense situations where you’re vulnerable, physically and emotionally, mean it’s important to rebalance.
Thursday
A package arrives in the morning. We take it in turns to order a new toy every couple of weeks, and the other one is allowed to open it at the weekend, when we generally have more time to play. I wonder what it is…
We’re both working today but in the evening, lying on the bed, Rich says he wants to watch me make myself come. I found touching myself in front of him incredibly embarrassing at first, but there’s a lot of advice out there to help you get used to it. He’s also completely uninhibited about his own body, which helps.
He talks me through a scenario – this time, it’s imagining the neighbours can see what I’m doing through a chink in the curtains. There’s something of the exhibitionist in me and this is something that always turns me on, though I doubt I’d be up for it in real life. There’s a world of difference between a fantasy and reality.
We masturbate until we both climax and then afterwards, we open a bottle of wine and cuddle up while we watch a film on Netflix.
Friday
We have a ‘free use’ agreement, which means either of us can initiate sex without specifically asking for consent. CNC (consensual non-consent) is something we’ve discussed, but a full-on roleplay isn’t something we’re ready for yet.
For the moment, free use works fine. When the alarm goes off, Rich kicks off the duvet and slides down the bed so he can use his tongue on me.
He must have planned this morning because I suddenly feel him slide a dildo inside me. After I come – which doesn’t take long – he moves back up the bed to penetrate me from behind. It’s our favourite position, giving him easy access to the front of my body at the same time. He bites my shoulders almost to the point where I use our safe word.
I have a Zoom call with a client so I rush to make myself look respectable before I dial in, leaving Rich to tidy up.
After work, we head to the supermarket; Rich is cooking tonight and grabs fresh pasta with butternut squash and sage. Yum. He also chooses strawberries and chocolate sauce, telling me they’re “for later”. Double yum. It’s a good way to start the weekend.
Saturday
Any plans for a lazy day disappear when Rich’s 19-year-old son calls first thing. He’s supposed to be travelling from university to his mum’s, but his car battery is flat. He’s got no jump leads and doesn’t know what to do.
It’s irritating, but as a parent you put your kids first. Rich is up and out of bed, saying he’ll drive over and jump-start his son’s car, then follow him for part of the journey. It means he’ll be gone for a good chunk of the day, so I get up and decide I might as well tackle some housework.
I browse through Fetlife while I eat lunch – it’s a social network for the kink community. As both Rich and I are still finding our way, we’ve found it a valuable source of information.
He doesn’t get home until mid-afternoon and we’re meeting friends for drinks early evening. I wear a long skirt with stockings and no knickers – it turns Rich on, knowing I’m walking around in public with no underwear.
We’re seated at a corner table so while our friends are at the bar, he turns to shield me from the room and slides his hand up my skirt. By the time we get home, we’re both horny. He pushes me so I’m bending over the stairs and spanks me for being so brazen before masturbating over me, then uses his fingers to make me come.
Sunday
The weather is awful – torrential rain and howling winds – and we decide to spend all day in bed. I open the package that arrived a few days earlier, which turns out to be an anal hook.
When we first got together, I refused to do anal – my few previous experiences were horrific. But with Rich I felt comfortable enough to try it again, and I love it now – it’s very different with a partner who knows what they’re doing.
The hook is a bit intimidating, so we agree to try it later on and start off with some rope play. We’ve got an under-mattress harness on the bed and Rich blindfolds me before using various sex toys.
Several orgasms later, he puts a collar on me and we try the hook. It’s not an unqualified success, but we’re able to laugh and talk about it when things go wrong – which is what we do now.
Featured
https://metro.co.uk/2020/10/07/a-beginners-guide-to-trying-bdsm-for-the-first-time-13385453/
Asking For A Friend is the series where we answer the questions that you’ve always wanted to ask.
Last week, in a parliamentary debate on relationship and sex education in schools, a Labour politician broached the subject of talking to youngsters – many of whom are undeniably sexually active – about risky sex acts, and how to perform them safely.
While he was chastised online for his suggestion, Lloyd Russell-Moyle had a point.
Factually, some people enjoy getting choked during sex. In fact, choking, like spanking, is one of the many popular forms of BDSM that has leaked into mainstream sex.
But people die during kinky sex, and this posits one of the most common dangers of practicing BDSM – a type of kinky sex that involves aspects of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism, or all of the above.
According to Dr Eli Sheff, a researcher and expert witness specialising in BDSM, death, injury and having someone breach your consent, all of which can easily happen accidentally, are the biggest dangers of experimenting.
This shouldn’t stop you from wanting you to incorporate BDSM into your sex life, and it probably wouldn’t stop the majority of people from giving it ago.
But, if you do want to experiment with BDSM, there are a few rules you should follow.
